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Volume 11: Woman
A woman’s heart is complicated, and I can’t grasp that swing with a boy’s heart.
For Yamada, women are a fascinating existence. There is a sense of distance from them, and you must care about the opponent’s territory, because you want to understand each other. You have to continue with language. “That’s why men find women so interesting.”
***
As a man, of course I like women. My heart pounds when I see the figure of them laughing, and my eyes go right to their firm, straight legs. But, I’m truly clumsy around women. I’m shy, so when they’re in front of me, I don’t know what to do when they talk to me. When I became concsious of women, I was in high school, in my first year, and I didn’t say a word to the girls. In concert, I could soak up the sparkling lights, and sing while the girls there screamed, but at school, I really seemed like a gloomy guy.
The turning point came during the trip in my third year of high school. I was put into a group with the girls, and I woke up that day with a sinking feeling. However, to cover up those feelings, I tried not to join in on the karoke contest that we started on the bus. To make things worse, I lost at rock paper scissors, so I had to sing… But, I couldn’t stay in my shell forever, so I had no choice. I decided to choose the song “Mori no Kumasan”. Everyone on the bus laughed at the cute children’s song I sang! From the moment, the girls view of me changed, “Yamada-kun was actually a funny person…” I’m grateful for that step forward, and I’ll never forget the school trip from high school.
My house is a family of five, my father, my mother, my older sister, myself, and my younger sister, so at home, I am almost surrounded by women. My sisters always come to talk to me and say, “I want to understand a man’s feelings” about the people they like. But, as I see it, as long as the two people have good intentions, I think it can work out. “When is a man really happy?” I’ve been wondering. What we call a man is different than a woman. I am stubborn about my personal opinions, but I think a shift in personal values can be fun. There are things that I don’t know that can be taught, or even in reverse… the ideal relationship is one where you can stimulate each other and expand your horizons.
On the contrary, I want to hear the opinions of women, and sometimes I talk to my sisters. It’s embarrassing, but in my first year of junior high, I seriously wanted to be popular. So, I asked them, “what kind of clothes do girls like men to wear?” I did my research and decided the answer was, “simple is best.” So, I bought a plain white T-shirt and jeans, and took off all my jingling accessories. After that, “girls like it when the veins show on your hands, so I need them to show more and more,” was also some advice I got (laughs). When I was walking down the street, two people saw me and said, “ah, it’s Yamada!” I waved with just my fingers, but unfortunately, the outcome wasn’t what I wanted…
If I was reborn, I’d absolutely still want to be a man. A woman really cares about their personal appearance. When my older sister is at home, she is always using rollers and using lotion on her feet (laughs). I think it’s wonderful that they put so much effort into it when we can’t see it, but for me, I feel more comfortable being a man who is loud and can play fight. But, being born as a man, somehow my face is mistaken as being a woman’s. Before, in the clothing stores I went to, I thought I was being ignored by the female clerk there…At this time, I think a face like Orlando Bloom’s, with a little beard would look good.
***
As a man, of course I like women. My heart pounds when I see the figure of them laughing, and my eyes go right to their firm, straight legs. But, I’m truly clumsy around women. I’m shy, so when they’re in front of me, I don’t know what to do when they talk to me. When I became concsious of women, I was in high school, in my first year, and I didn’t say a word to the girls. In concert, I could soak up the sparkling lights, and sing while the girls there screamed, but at school, I really seemed like a gloomy guy.
The turning point came during the trip in my third year of high school. I was put into a group with the girls, and I woke up that day with a sinking feeling. However, to cover up those feelings, I tried not to join in on the karoke contest that we started on the bus. To make things worse, I lost at rock paper scissors, so I had to sing… But, I couldn’t stay in my shell forever, so I had no choice. I decided to choose the song “Mori no Kumasan”. Everyone on the bus laughed at the cute children’s song I sang! From the moment, the girls view of me changed, “Yamada-kun was actually a funny person…” I’m grateful for that step forward, and I’ll never forget the school trip from high school.
My house is a family of five, my father, my mother, my older sister, myself, and my younger sister, so at home, I am almost surrounded by women. My sisters always come to talk to me and say, “I want to understand a man’s feelings” about the people they like. But, as I see it, as long as the two people have good intentions, I think it can work out. “When is a man really happy?” I’ve been wondering. What we call a man is different than a woman. I am stubborn about my personal opinions, but I think a shift in personal values can be fun. There are things that I don’t know that can be taught, or even in reverse… the ideal relationship is one where you can stimulate each other and expand your horizons.
On the contrary, I want to hear the opinions of women, and sometimes I talk to my sisters. It’s embarrassing, but in my first year of junior high, I seriously wanted to be popular. So, I asked them, “what kind of clothes do girls like men to wear?” I did my research and decided the answer was, “simple is best.” So, I bought a plain white T-shirt and jeans, and took off all my jingling accessories. After that, “girls like it when the veins show on your hands, so I need them to show more and more,” was also some advice I got (laughs). When I was walking down the street, two people saw me and said, “ah, it’s Yamada!” I waved with just my fingers, but unfortunately, the outcome wasn’t what I wanted…
If I was reborn, I’d absolutely still want to be a man. A woman really cares about their personal appearance. When my older sister is at home, she is always using rollers and using lotion on her feet (laughs). I think it’s wonderful that they put so much effort into it when we can’t see it, but for me, I feel more comfortable being a man who is loud and can play fight. But, being born as a man, somehow my face is mistaken as being a woman’s. Before, in the clothing stores I went to, I thought I was being ignored by the female clerk there…At this time, I think a face like Orlando Bloom’s, with a little beard would look good.
Women stand tall bravely with their feelings.
-Ryosuke
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